


one time

by theredhoodie



Category: 12 Monkeys (TV)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-23
Updated: 2015-02-23
Packaged: 2018-03-14 17:10:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,218
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3418787
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theredhoodie/pseuds/theredhoodie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cole sets off on his final splinter, the one that Jones warned him he wouldn't recover from. His only hope is to be able to complete his mission before that happens.</p>
            </blockquote>





	one time

**Author's Note:**

> I made myself sad with this idea. So sad, in fact, that I made a fanmix for it [HERE](http://8tracks.com/theredhoodie/for-the-things-we-can-t-say) that you should listen to while reading this and cry with me. 
> 
> Also, written instead of writing a paper for class, and quickly edited by myself. Sorry for any mistakes, I tried to catch them all.

No one understood what it felt like to be wrenched from 2015 to 2043. It wasn't even just about Cassie either. The very fact that working hospitals, organized government, and food—so much food—was all around and at everyone's fingertips. The stark difference was almost too much for him to handle sometimes. It got easier with each trip, as long as he focused on the mission.

The mission that was dwindling. He didn't know if he could finish it in one last go, but when Jones looked at him in  _that way_  and invited him into her private space for a drink, Cole knew what she was going to say. His body had been splintered as much as any one human body could handle and  _more_. This was the last trip. One way, to late 2015, and this time, when he splintered, he would either land a corpse in the chair on the machine, or just never come back, his body lost in space and time, merely particles floating in the unknown.

No one understood what it was like to say goodbye to 2043 every time, not knowing if he would do that  _single_  thing that would change the course of history and erase everyone and everything he knew. This time was no different, except neither Cole nor Jones told anyone this was the last trip, but they  _knew_.

He said goodbye to Ramse like this was any other time and steeled himself for the trip. One last injection. One last look at his brother, his best friend. One last "Goodbye, Mr. Cole" from Jones. One last crippling sensation of pain through ever fiber of his being, doing the impossible and forcing him backward in time.

He felt worse than ever the moment he landed. Luckily he wasn't in the middle of a street because he instantly crumpled and lay there blinking at the darkening sky in a daze. He didn't know how long it took for him to move. It wasn't the scratch of strawlike grass or the stray dog sniffing him that knocked sense into him: it was a gunshot.

Like almost every other time he splintered in, things happened immediately. They were getting  _so_  close to stopping his history from ever happening, the Army of the 12 Monkeys was always lingering, following them. He hated every time he splintered back, expecting to find the future changed because Cassie died too early  _again_  because he wasn't there to protect her.

He knew she was no longer alone in this. It both sated his desire to stay and fueled it. He would be lying if he said the thought of leaving Cassie with Aaron didn't make him bristle. He had no right to feel that way, but he did. He accepted it so that he could live with it, move on, and complete his mission.

This trip was like the others. Lots of running, fast food, late nights. Cole didn't tell her that this was his last trip. Not yet. And yet she had to know  _something_  was going on with the way he was pushing her, and himself, to figure this out.

His fourth morning there, he woke up with a crick in his neck from being tilted back against the top of the couch cushion and Cassie's feet shoved under his thigh. She was half laying, half sitting, her hand dangling over the back of the couch and her head resting against her upper arm. He took in a few deep breaths—clean breaths that smelled of  _clean_  things like actual cleaning products, genuinely good food, and whatever Cassie wore that made her smell like flowers—before he moved.

He'd learned by now how to start a pot of coffee, which he did, and also took pills from the little white bottle Cassie always left out when he was here. Pain killers. They helped only a little, but it was enough to count, so he continued to take them. Especially now, knowing that in a few days he would be snuffed out from existence, either by saving the world's population or by just  _dying_.

He stood at the window and looked outside—he couldn't see much and he wasn't expecting to—and enjoyed the feeling of the sun against his skin.

"Hey." Cassie's voice was always softer in the mornings.

"Hey," he said, turning around so he was leaning against the sink as she came closer. She rubbed her face with her hands and grabbed mugs from the counter. She smiled and said nothing. Silence was something they were both okay with—well, Cole was always okay with it, and Cassie had grown used to it. The coffee maker stopped brewing and she poured them both a mug full.

He opened his mouth and took in a small breath, ready to tell her right then and there that he was going to essentially be dead in a few days, but he couldn't. Instead, he took the mug she offered with a small smile and followed her into the other room as she began to lay down the plans.

Aaron had been away a lot, but he was supposed to join them to go over the plan to kill the Witness and eradicate the virus. If they planned correctly, it would be done in one foul swoop. Cole didn't particularly enjoy sharing his last days on earth with Aaron, but again he wasn't allowed to have those kinds of selfish feelings when the fate of seven billion were on the line.

"This could actually work," Cassie said, days later once they planned everything down to the minute. Aaron enjoyed the precision. It made Cole antsy.

Or maybe that was just his body getting ready to splinter. It happened so fast, it was rare that he could tell more than ten seconds before it happened.

"Yeah," Cole nodded in agreement. "It actually could."

"And this will save seven billion lives?" Aaron asked. He was a little slow on the uptake.

"Yeah," Cole said while Cassie explained further and he watched from where he stood, leaning against a table, eyes floating over the board covered in photos and red yarn—and occasionally the curl at the bottom of Cassie's hair and the dip of her waist in her blue sweater…

They'd gotten everything down to this one spot, where a collision of Project Troy and the Army of the 12 Monkeys occurred. If they calculated correctly, Cole would have disappeared and been erased in the next twenty four hours anyway, so this could have been his last trip to begin with.

He hoped it worked. He didn't know how long he was here. He vaguely remembered an exclamation from the scientists and Jones saying something like, "Give it everything it's got left," so he could only guess that she almost fried the machine to give him as much time here as possible.

"Okay," Aaron nodded. "We should get going."

There was no time like the present. Cole chuckled at his own mental joke and just shook his head when Cassie looked at him questioningly.

They had a long way to drive, and took turns. Ignoring Aaron in the back, Cole started up a conversation with Cassie as she gripped the wheel and kept her eyes on the road.

"I wish you'd gotten a chance to meet Ramse," he said softly. If he had glanced back, he would have seen that Aaron's head was bobbing and he was dead asleep.

Cassie did that sad smile thing and glanced over at him. "Me too. It just…it just seems so strange that you could know someone years from now that's just a kid right…now." She huffed at her words, which were usually filled with eloquence, but currently were failing in that respect.

"I know. It's pretty crazy," Cole replied, settling back in the seat, though his eyes were rarely on the road and mostly on her. The road they were driving on didn't have street lights, so the cab was dark.

"If this works," Cassie started and then she stopped. He didn't press and waited for her to finish. "Cole, if this works, you'll be…gone."

"Technically I'll still be alive, but not this me. I'm a kid in your time," he said, avoiding the subject.

She rolled her eyes and gripped the wheel a little tighter. "You know what I mean."

"Yeah. But we knew this was coming."

"And when you're gone, will I still remember you?"

He lifted his eyebrows even though she couldn't see. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, since we would have stopped your future from happening,  _you_  wouldn't be alive to come back to find me. So would I just  _forget_  you? What will happen to my memories of everything we've done?" She looked away from the road then, looking at him in the dark shadows. She didn't look long, either because she was afraid of crashing or because she was afraid he would see her eyes glossed over. Which he saw anyway.

"I don't know," he said honestly. "I'm not sure if that's considered a paradox or not. I'm not the scientific theorist."

She took in a breath and nodded. "What do you think would happen to me if I had the memory of knowing what could have been for the rest of my life?"

Cole considered what she was asking. He still vaguely remembered arriving in a divergent timeline once, though the longer time passed, the harder it was for him to remember anything specifically. Maybe that would happen to her. Unfortunately, being alive in two timelines had nearly killed him. However, since Cassie would just be in one timeline, maybe she would just think she was going crazy for a while. Or maybe she would remember everything and carry that burden forever.

"I think you'll be fine."

"That's it?"

He wasn't entirely sure he heard her and, with the way she shook her head after she said it, he wasn't sure that she wanted him to. He answered anyway. "I mean, I'd like for you to remember me."

"Yeah," she said softly.

The car bounced over a pothole and jerked Aaron awake in the back. He appeared between their seats, squinting at the time on the radio. "Cassie, you should take a break," he said.

"I'm fine," she said sharply.

Cole turned his eyes to the road then and leaned his head back against the headrest.

It was a long trip. But they made it. All of the pieces were falling into place. Cole didn't want Cassie to come with them, but she insisted and he could do nothing to stop her. He had, hopefully without notice, attempted to clean himself up a bit more before this final journey. If he was going to blink out of existence, he'd rather not look like he was from the apocalypse.

Adrenaline controlled them now. Aaron could actually shoot a gun now, and hit, though he wasn't as good a shot as Cole. Cassie followed Cole and Aaron trailed behind her as they snuck inside the building. According to Cole's advice, incineration of the entire building would be the best bet. They couldn't put explosives outside because the guards, but inside, so far, was pretty barren and Cassie started placing the bombs. They were all connected to a detonator switch.

They got deeper inside and had to hide from the handful of guards now. They were  _so_  close to finishing this that Cole's fingertips were tingling.

Actually no, his fingertips were actually tingling.

"Shit," he hissed, barely audible, but Cassie heard him. Cole pushed them back down the hall and into an unlocked room, making sure the door didn't shut behind them, but giving him a little time. If he splintered now, they would know that someone was here because he affected electrical currents.

"Cole, what's going on?" Cassie asked in the dimly lit room.

He turned around toward her slowly, though he looked at Aaron first. "Stand watch outside," he said.

Typically he would protest, but Aaron did so, though the door was ajar and he kept glancing back.

"Cole," Cassie said, getting an idea that he was going to splinter. But he was acting differently than usual, he knew it, she knew it, they all knew it.

Cole pressed his gun into her hand.

"What?" she tried to protest.

He shook his head, feeling his body start to go through the motions of dragging him forward through time. Only there was no final destination this time. "Just one time," he said, lifting his empty hands to her face.

He kissed her. He could see the lights flicker through his eyelids. She kissed him back and he felt her hand grab on to his arm. The lights flickered again and he took a tiny step back. Seconds,  _seconds_ , until he would be gone forever.

No  _see you soon_ 's. Just, barely a handful of seconds to look at her face as his body basically tore itself apart. Whether he ended up in 2043 a corpse and was dispersed through time and space, he'd have no memory of it.

The only thing that mattered in that moment was Cassie's face and the last thing he heard was his name in her voice.


End file.
